Why is now the perfect time for some fun and entertaining David Letterman quotes? Because his birthday is right around the corner! Dave's going to be 61! Let's help him celebrate by reflecting on these 15 hilarious David Letterman quotes. 1. "Dick Cheney said he was running again.
He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?" 2. "Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein.
I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?" 3. "President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger." 4. "President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.
" 5. "There is no 'off' position on the genius switch." 6. "Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat." 7.
"There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to-minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.
" 8. "I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
" 9. "I'm fifty, and I look like a regular guy. You look like a poodle." 10. "This is TV the way it's supposed to be, ain't it?" 11.
"I don't know if you've ever seen this show. Hell, I don't even know if you're watching now." 12.
"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home." 13. "USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population." 14. "New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move." 15.
"I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host." Very few people can get me on the floor rolling with laughter. David Letterman is one of them.
He truly has a gift for making people laugh. Let's help him celebrate his birthday this year. These David Letterman quotes are a great way to start.
For more funny quotes, check out the popular funny quotes section of Famous-Quotes-And-Quotations.com, a website that specializes in 'Top 10' lists of quotations in dozens of categories.