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Who Says Online Dating's Only For Losers?
by Nicolette Arden
About 4 years ago, I did.
Until a good friend suggested that we try it. I
had to admit, I was curious, but wasnt online
dating for hideous losers and people who had something
to hide? Wasnt it only for those who couldnt
get a date the old fashioned way?
I let my friend talk me into browsing some pictures
on one of the more popular dating sites. I had to
say, there were some pretty decent looking men on
there. Their profiles made them sound like fairly
mentally stable human beings. I had to admit that
the single thing was getting really tedious. I had
done the bar scene (as we all have), had friends
try to hook me up with some other dateless,
picky single person (though, why some of them figured
they had the right to be picky, I have no idea),
with no success.
Online dating, here I come. I figured What
do I have to lose? At the absolute worst,
Id meet more of the same type of losers that
Id been meeting. At best, Id meet someone
that I was actually compatible with who could also
relate to me.
I had another dilemma with regard to the dating
thing. I had been divorced for about a year at the
time, and I have 2 children. Now, I know that you
ladies who are divorced with kids can completely
relate to what Im saying here. Finding a decent
man is difficult enough, add to that the fact that
Im looking for a decent man whom I can trust
to be around my children. Finding a man anywhere
on this planet, that I wouldnt mind having
my son emulate, is like trying to find a pair of
Manolos on sale at Sears.
Anyway, I signed up with my friend on one of the
bigger dating sites. I met one dude,
who said in his profile that he was 510,
with an athletic build. He had an attractive face,
he was divorced, and he had 3 children who were
presently in his custody. He sent me an email. We
corresponded via email for about 2 weeks, after
which time, we decided to meet for lunch at a local
He arrived at the restaurant earlier than I did.
Early enough to have been already seated when I
got there. He barely stood up to shake my hand upon
saying hello, which I thought was a
little weird, but whatever. We talked from lunch
time until the hour turned into dinner time. The
conversation was going so great, that we decided
to stay for dinner, after which time, we decided
to take in a movie. When the waitress brought the
bill, he paid it and as we stood up to leave, I
saw why he was already seated at the restaurant
when I got there, and why he didnt fully stand
up to greet me. This dude was about 57
tall! Now, Im 54, and in the boots
that I was wearing, I was nearly taller than he
was! I was so cheezed that I immediately lost my
taste for the movie, made up some excuse about not
feeling well all of a sudden (it must have been
the fish), and boogied on atta there.
On my way home, I thought, Is this what online
dating is? Dating loser after liar, never finding
that one? Im not saying
that this dude was a loser because he was short.
The entire problem for me, exists in the fact that
he LIED. I cant stand liars. If he lied about
something as obvious as his height, what else would
he lie about?
I learned very quickly that when it comes to online
dating, one has to be extremely specific about what
one wants, and one has to stick to her guns. Not
that some of those who read those specifications
give a hoot anyway. I put in my profile that I wasnt
interested in dating anyone over 45, and I got mail
from men well past that age on a regular basis.
I learned that I had to be assertive almost to the
point of being aggressive when it came to dating
online. I had to say what I meant, and mean what
I said. As a result, Im dating someone (8
months now) who meets every piece of the criteria
that I set out to find in a man. Hes physically
attractive (Yes, it DOES MATTER), and Lord help
me, hes as smart as a computer (brains makes
me weak). Hes also an amazing person inside,
and he gets along well with my children. We live
at completely opposite ends of the city, and if
it werent for bumping into each other online,
Im sure we would never have met.
I chose to think about online dating as follows;
when Im in a bar, and some loser tries out
his lame pickup line on me, I have to respond to
him in some manner, right? When Im dating
online, I dont have to respond at all! I have
more men to choose from than those in my immediate
circle of friends and associates, and am able to
choose from as far away as I want to.
If youre thinking about doing the dating thing
online, go for it! If you're smart, you have nothing
to lose, and absolutely everything to gain.
Copyright 2010 Nicolette Arden All Rights Reserved
About the Author
Nicolette Arden writes regularly about the pros
and cons of online dating, and will soon be a regular
contributor with her own column (Ask Nic)
at Warner Digital Media Inc. (www.warnerdigitalmedia.com).